valentine's day Getting Knocked Up...

No not me, but it seems like everyone else. Friends from home, from college, from past jobs, when I say everyone I mean everyone is having babies. Honestly, every other day I'm hearing about being pregnant, having a baby, or trying to have a baby.

I am so unbelievably happy for them, don't get me wrong. But, it makes me really think, what the heck is wrong with me. I still feel too young to have kids, and I'm 28. I felt weird saying that when I was home Thanksgiving holding my cousin's baby, since she's 24.

I still feel awkward when people tell me they are trying to have kids. I still giggle to myself, b/c all the people I knew were always trying to "not" get pregnant.

First time I really thought that I was ready for kids was a couple of weeks before our wedding. I thought I was ready to get pregnant and have kids within the first 6 to 9 months after getting married. Well, that time is now, and needless to say not living with Mr. Jetplane makes it a little tough to get knocked up.

But that's ok, because we're not ready, well I'm not ready. I'm scared of it all. I'm scared of getting sick. I have a weird stomach and I get nauseous all the time. And I know when I'm pregnant, I'll have morning sickness, mid day sickness, middle of the night sickness, all of it. And I'm sorry, but I'm totally freaked about something growing inside my body. Maybe I'm totally immature about it, but its weird. I always think of the scene in Spaceballs when the little alien jumps out of the guy's body and proceeds to do a song and dance. (I told you I'm immature about this...) I'm also freaked out about feeding a baby with milk my body makes. Its weird and I'm not comfortable with it.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I know a lot of women are actively trying to get pregnant, and I hope to someday be there with you all. But, as you can see, I'm not quite mentally prepared for this huge and miraculous gift of life. People continually reassure me that this will all change when I'm pregnant.

I hope I'm not the only one out there that feels this way. And if I am, well, all I can say is... I wasn't wrong to think I'm a complete weirdo.