valentine's day Open Letter to Mr. Alan Ball

Mr. Ball...Alan...may I call you Alan...


Well Alan, first and foremost I want to THANK YOU. I want thank you for bringing the wondrously amazing Mrs. Harris' books to life. Thank you for letting the world know about these great characters and bringing them into our homes on Sunday nights for 12 weeks (only 12 flipping weeks?). HBO I understand you like to bring on new programming...like constantly, but seriously only 12...Boo.


But I do have a bone to pick with you and your writing team. While obviously brilliant and creative you have taken TOO MUCH creative liberties with a book series that is too widely loved. You have made changes to the story lines in season 2 and 3 that make books in the series too improbable now. While some changes are good... i.e. Lafayette others have disastrous consequences...I'm talking about MARY ANN and FAE here (and Hot Shot/Calvin Norris). You have messed with characters and story lines so much that its beginning to make me dislike the show at certain times.



For non-book readers...sorry if I disappoint you or give away anything..look away.



1. Godric is not Eric's maker. This PISSED me off. Godric is a great character in the book and in the show. Godric, I think was a much more interesting character in the book. Now you'll never see Eric's actual maker and all that entails.



2. Shapeshifters in general... One the 1st born can be true shapeshifter. Sam's whole backward ass, white trash family doesn't even exist in the book. I hate that ENTIRE story line. Tommy I'm pretty sure you're not dead but I hope you are.



3. Vampires cannot cut their hair. You are who you were when you were made. Yes Eric looks much hotter with his hair now, but it makes absolutely NO SENSE.



4. Project Werewolf....Boo.... The Alcide/Debbie Pelt story line is strong, why did you feel the need to f with it. Debbie doesn't have to be so white trash...plus she's not a werewolf she's a werefox. Another reason her and Alcide can't be together...he needs to produce a werewolf child.



5. While I like seeing Hadley and her son...and I'm glad you're introducing them earlier than the books did, its obvious that her death and everything that entails won't be seen in the series.



6. The Queen...OMG the Queen. Awful god awful casting. In the books, while young-looking, she's strong and forceful, and deserves respect. ERW sucks...no pun intended. FYI - the last scene with her and Bill...Cheap Matrix SNL looking skit...BOO.



7. Jason...OMG Jason. I didn't mind the v-fueled relationship of the past, hell I didn't even mind the Fellowship of the Sun diversion. But I hate who you are letting him become.



8. Hot Shot...well yes they are inbred and well...different but they aren't toothless meth heads. They are a close knit 'pack' that needs to ensure the continuation of their 'kind'. And since only 2 pureblood shifters can create a pure shifter with the 1st child (see above) its important that that occurs...hence the inbreeding.



9. Jessica....I don't like Jessica nor the Magistrate or that nasty PR woman. NONE OF THAT IS IN THE BOOKS. They are not explaining the vamp politics correctly.



10. Tara...I'm sorry Tara but you're one annoying ass character. I much preferred you as a peripheral character in the books.



11. MARY ANN - SUCKED. Horrible, I almost stopped watching last season because I HATED that story line that much. And P.S. can we clean Sookie's house already. I'm so tired of looking at the nastiness.



12. Fae...seriously Alan Ball, seriously. This is important in the following books. You have totally screwed up the entire story line with the fae. Every single thing is wrong except her name is Claudine. That I do believe is the SINGLE BIGGEST CRIME you have made against this show....well that and Mary Ann.



13. UMMMM Alan...we all had hoped you were going to end season 3 with Eric...running naked through the woods to Sookie's house. That's the way you, I, and every single red-blooded woman (and gay man) knows it should have went down. You're introducing witches, great...actually I called it early on that you were making Jesus a witch.

So let's get down to brass tacks here Mr. Ball. Here's what needs to happen in Season 4 or else I know quite a few avid and loving True Blood fans might not be coming back...

1. We need to drop Bill like the bad habit he is.
2. Eric story line from Book 4 starting with naked run and progressing to...HELLO SHOWER SCENE, etc. etc.
3. The witch story line needs to be developed and not f'd up.
4. You better have not killed off Calvin. You better stop with the white trash Hot Shot crap.
5. Please let Tara leave town...we don't want her anyway.
6. Stop with the Sam's dumb family and his annoying as brother.
7. Fae - please don't ruin the fae storyline. Its important. Claudine and her brother and sister are important to the story moving forward.
8. Debbie Pelt, she's an important character can we make her less trashy and redneck.

Thank you for your time Alan. I'm sure you've stuck with me throughout this post. I'm sure you're an avid reader of my blog you've always been too afraid to comment...no worries I completely understand.

If you have any questions or if you would like to run some story lines by me...no fear I'd be happy to help in anyway I can.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Jetplane

p.s. Shower Scene... you and I both know any scene with Eric naked boosts ratings... just remember those 2 words - SHOWER SCENE...that is all.